Astrology has been helping people figure

I'm Gavin Hanes and I'm a Scorpio

astrology has been helping people figure

out who they should be having sex with

for the past four thousand years women

born in June will find their greatest

happiness under the signs of Capricorn

and Libra one of their signs tell us

about this I'm John Dee advising

Elizabeth the first - Ronnie Reagan's

White House astrologer Joan Quigley it's

a global cult with its own superstars

like us astrology sweetheart Susan

Miller

hello Scorpio I bet you don't expect all

the goodies that the universe has cooked

up for you

Oh South America's Liberace of astrology

Walter Mercado the legend is buck Phil

the best

psychics know are the best prices me I

still had no idea who I should be having

sex with single people seem like the

easiest prey but perhaps a short course

of astrology would help me resolve

things if nothing else I could figure

out why so many still found it so

appealing astrology that is

back in Britain given how the moon seems

to be turning the color of blood here

since brexit this seemed like a good

place to start hunting omens to get a

grip on the state of astrology today

I've come to Chyzyk to meet a kind of

astrologer Harrods would sell you

Caroline Faulkner is Harrods in-house

astrologer the one the shakes in the

Russian oligarchs haven't speed up when

they run into a Leo going berserk for a

little over 150 pounds an hour you too

can indulge in herself created specialty

of dynamic astrology which of course is

better than astrology just sort of

flopping about she also sells their own

range of perfumes on the Harrods website

a star sense and has helped in designing

Astra nutritive skincare sessions for

the likes of Dolce & Gabbana if it was

good enough for the enemies of Elton

John it must be good enough for me

you're the astrologer for Harrods I am I

have worked with some international

royalty I've worked with millionaires

and I've worked with them people who

have absolutely nothing so could you

just talk me through maybe how we read

our natal charts all you need to find

out is your Sun Sign your rising sign

which is determined by the time you were

born

and your moon sign needle charts are

serious astrology

based on place and time of birth they

don't just take into account the classic

newspaper horoscopes Sun sign Taurus or

whatever but also all the little fiddly

planets rising and falling around it and

you're going to draw my chart today are

you this is your your full chart here

okay because you've got Sagittarius

rising your rising sign governs your

direct personality Carolina laid it on

with an elegant gold encrusted Herod

spoon she told me that I was wonderful

creative an impish spirit by turns

serious and playful that I should go

after my dreams worry less and live more

if you've got a good sense of timing but

you can sometimes disempower people very

quickly with your smarts okay yeah with

me all great advice also available at a

range of lower-cost motivational posters

at her price per insight it was also

great that she was smiling and buttering

me up when she gave it but would cheap

advice be any less effective in an age

that has brought us the scientific

wonders of the atom bomb and the face

swap app what is the man in the streets

still getting from astrology why is

astrology not in a way it helps

you make decisions if you read something

about what will happen what should

happen did you first become aware of a

star sign when somebody said something

about my star sign that I liked you know

because you don't believe in star signs

unless somebody says oh yeah your star

sign you guys rule like really

really intelligent and then you're like

you know what I am intelligent star

science do have a little bit truth to

them I mean do you think there's any

point in it I think it's a lot of a for

comfort like I don't have any direction

in my life so I'm gonna read this and go

with that do you know anyone who really

believes in astrology

most of my friends my family they

believe in science they believe in God

they believe in astrology they believe

in most of things and I think it's quite

contradictory

I think there's anything wrong with

doing something up is for fun I

certainly wouldn't take anything like

that seriously

you know like stones are healing hours

or what the sky says about your future

Caroline didn't tell me that I'd meet a

shaggy eccentric stranger in a moon

Baddeck shirt but I still thought I'd

keep my next appointment with Barry the

30 pounds a chart owner of the Covent

Garden astrology shop come on out speak

English yeah I speak astrology as I only

spoke English I pulled up google

translator my phone while he read in my

charts what we need to do is though

where the planets were when you were

born and which way yes was facing so the

first thing I see when I put up the

chart Neptune is rising

you had big pressure mode and you got

huge secret but we know your emotional

we know your deep you're one of the most

sensitive caring people in the world

until you see yourself as the Guardian

the custodian of an ancient knowledge

then epsilon societies yet couldn't

always work out whether he was actually

oblivious of others or maybe more

connected than anyone but as he's some

Age of Aquarius very aggressively at me

then told me about how he predicted his

own mother's death I figured whatever he

was getting out of astrology it was

pretty strong juice trained to be an

astrologer even deep understanding of

people's psychology and what makes some

work

Barry was right I'd come across a range

of astrologers in my research who were

leveraging their understanding a

psychology by working as astrological

life coaches a lot of positive stuff in

the astrology this week let me tell you

love and money are the same energy and

it's really appropriate to talk about it

when we're in Taurus and Scorpio when

Neptune hits the Saturn it might feel

like the rug is being pulled out from

underneath you I was having ongoing

problems with my head as well as my

really shitty mercury so I made contact

with a woman who could help me balance

them all at 200 pounds a session she was

even more expensive than Harrods and a

hundred miles from London but visiting

just had to answer I drove down

impossibly long before psychotherapy

astrology was one of the oldest lenses

by which humanity could focus on the

self

I'm here to see an astro life coach what

sorts of problems two people come to you

with Oh

everything from relationship breakups to

work problems to existential crisis and

what you generally advise them I never

give advices well got my charts to hand

and let's for summation wisdom out okay

is there an area that you're dealing

with at the moment in your life that you

would like more clarity or perspective

once I pondered whether now was a good

time to tell her about how my head had

led me into hanging around outside

Lamaze classes looking for single

pregnant women I could seduce Berta I

decided to keep it vague um I mean I

think I struggle with commitment that's

what I see in your chart hey your

scorpio is a freedom

a freedom lover can we just pause for a

second have your emotions ever led you

to do something um wise can't say they

have I mean what are we talking here

that's very right can we pause again

sure you're a genie was sort of regular

tricky one I'm not a tricky you're a

tricky one I've been yeah Villa

Rosser I need I need to sort of thrash

it out for a bit longer to to get to

because what's happening is recycling a

little bit which is fine

Helen seem to be leading me deeper and

deeper into my problems but never quite

got round to leading me out by the end I

was confused she was confused I wasn't

even sure when problems entirely were

anymore and I felt like maybe combining

astrology and life coaching was about as

good an idea as combining assault rifle

hunting and DMT despite my best intent

every version of the genre I'd so far

investigated had felt like interacting

with a slightly calamitous children's

magician so I decided that maybe a man

with a really big telescope could clear

this up once and for all

astronomy sounds a lot like astrology

but according to dr. John Mason curator

at the South Downs planetarium they're

actually very different what's your star

sign

you tell me I'm seeing who is a Leo kind

of guy you're totally wrong Scorpio now

you're probably like a Libra and Leo or

Scorpio

well you've picked three now and you're

wrong in all through Aquarius yeah

you're wrong on four is it true that

balls are flaming gas millions of light

years away are influencing my love life

no the actual processes themselves going

on millions of light years away I'm not

going to be affecting you physically do

you think astrology could be useful even

if it isn't true I don't think it's

useful um I don't as a scientist believe

you can predict the future and I don't

think that people should be planning

their lives on the basis of something

that is mumbo-jumbo I know there are

people who won't get out of bed until

they've read this stars for the day

all the week or whatever to me that's a

tragedy and a fab thing okay you

mentioned tests there have been tests

done about the the proof or otherwise of

astrology do you know a few there have

been a few scientific dominations done

on looking at people's characteristics

and trying to match them to some sign

astrology you show me any physical

experiment that'll pick them up and then

I might believe in them and the fact is

that all the scientific tests that have

astrology that have been done have come

up with nothing dr. Mason was right of

course and he could prove it with

science astrology could only prove it

with the far off arcs of planets but

then for all the esoteric wingdings I've

been subjected to it was at least true

that astronomy couldn't tell us why we

were here

any more than astrology could I'd

learned that maybe even the smartest

amongst us needs to stop being so smart

sometimes and a little bit more magic

into our lives

it may not be reasonable Camela be

rational but look around you when was

the universe ever reasonable or rational

for all our LinkedIn endorsements we're

still Apes swirling on a rock we've come

a long way but despite our smugness

there's still a beauty to be had in

remembering that genetically we're

exactly the same life-form who gazed up

in baffled or stars some four thousand

years ago and made up stories about them