Welcome To Rank King Astrology

Hello, and welcome to Rank King Astrology. I'm your Rank King, Eugene. Please welcome my special Rank Priestess, Allison. - Oh, wow. - Pretty good, right? - That was really good. - Yes. - Thank you. - We are very well-versed in the way of the stars. And today we are gonna rank all of the astrological signs from best to worst. Now for everyone watching, it doesn't matter if you're into astrology. You have never seen a zodiac video like this. This will be one of the only times you'll see people actually rank all of the signs from best to worst with no mercy. We are right. You are wrong. Shut up. (fast music) (tense, dramatic music) (pouring) Ooh, the astrolo-tea is hot today. So for you to relate to this video, you should know a few basics about astrology. One, your sun sign. That's the sign that you're most commonly associated with. - Sun you already know. It's the deepest part of who you are. - Now you have two other signs that are very important that factor into your personality. - Your rising sign or ascendant sign is kind of what people meet when they first meet you so it's like you at a party. Your moon sign is your emotional side. - Cocktail of different cosmic signs. Speaking of which, it won't be Rank King without his favorite drink. - Oh my God! - Is it okay if I put the whiskey in the astrology? You never have to refer to your horoscope ever again because you can always come back to this video. Now does this mean that the sign that we rank worst is, in fact, worse than the other 11 signs? - No, it does not. It just means I don't want you around me. (laughing) - The first sign in the astrological wheel, the hard headed ram himself, Aries. - The baby, the baby of the zodiac. - They do represent the age zero of like, infancy to seven, so they are literal children. Aries are very bad at concealing their feelings, which is good in some ways. - Yeah. - I don't feel like I know many dishonest Aries. - No, no. They can just be reactionary. - They can be little fucking bitches. Naturally, Aries actually has a pure, stereotypically masculine energy. - Each sign, it's in an element. So we're talking about fire signs right now, and there's three signs in each element. So Aries is the cardinal of fire. - Yes, and cardinal is one of the qualities of sign, which you have cardinal, mutable, and fixed. The different karmas you can have between four different elements and three different qualities makes 12 signs total. - Math. - Math. So Aries is the cardinal fire. - Yes. - Otherwise for me, known as a spark. The thing is that sparks are sparks. They go hot and then they kinda die out. - That's something that I do like about Aries. Even if they get super riled up, they can cool down fast and just get back to work so they don't really hold grudges which is something that I like. - Yeah, they're very like go, go, go. - Yes. - I feel like in bed Aries might finish too quickly. I'm just saying. - I, yeah, that sounds about right. - They come into a room like the Kool-Aid man. Oh yeah, here I am, explosions. Where would you put Aries currently in your ranking, high priestess? - Listen, I'm not trying to offend any Aries that I personally know, but in general, I rank Aries pretty low. - Wow, you're already throwing the first sign towards the end? - Yeah, I'm right. You're wrong. Shut the fuck up. (laughing) - Yeah! Astrology, bitches! - Okay, let's get out of Aries territory. - Yeah, gotta get out of this house. Ooh, this house is on fire. Taurus. - Taurus. - To the second sign of the zodiac. - So we're a little older now. - Mhmm, the bull. - We're teens? - Seven to fourteen, it's like preteen age. - Oh, we're tweens. - And inversely from Aries, they represent the pure feminine form stereotypically. They are the fixed earth sign, which is, in my mind, represented by a garden. - If they're really like feeling excited about something, they get the job done. They're workaholics. They're really productive. - I feel like Tauruses overall have a more relaxed way, a lived in way, in which they move and speak. - If they were a tea, they'd be chamomile, for sure. - Yeah. - Because they calm you down. - I guarantee you, I think a lot of people out there have a close Taurus in their lives. I do think, though, that Tauruses sometimes can be just on this side of boring. - It's true. - Just a little. - You forget about them. - They're not the sharpest in the tool shed. Like, they're great, I like hanging out with them, but I wouldn't like, they wouldn't be getting a Nobel Prize anytime soon. I'm not saying Tauruses are the dumbest sign, but there is a reason they're represented by a bull, which is essentially a cow. Cows are not very smart. Do you put Taurus above or below Aries? - I'd put Taurus above. - Mhmm, we just called Aries all babies and Tauruses really dumb so I think we're on a great roll. You don't want your auntie's horoscope. - That's over. It's 2019, it's canceled. - Oh my God this whiskey is hitting hard. Now there are certain signs, regardless of if you're even into astrology, that have reputations outside of the cosmic universe. - Yeah, oh, it's polarizing and let me just start off by saying Kanye West, Trump, two very prominent Geminis. - I'll add two more. Keith Habersberger. Ned Fulmer. - Ooh! (laughing) - Oh shit, right at the bottom. No, listen, I actually like Geminis. - Oh, me too. - Yeah they get a lot of, the stereotype around Gemini is that they're two-faced, Which is such a Kindergartner way to say something. - That's stupid, that's your Auntie's horoscope. - Honestly I think Geminis aren't two-face, they're like multi-faced. They're very good at talking a lot of game sometimes without the follow-through. - Yes! - A lot of chatting shit up but they are repped by the teenagers. They're like 14-21, which makes total sense. - Oh, socially they're the best. - Love partying with Gemini. - Social butterfly. - Emotional maturity is sometimes dicey because if you think about it, like teenagers, a lot of emotion but they don't quite know exactly where to direct it. Air mutable. - So that makes sense. - It's a changing air, it's like electricity. - Yes. - Yes, their morphing air, their buzz. Fantastic friends. Terrible lovers. - Yeah I like 'em around me. I just don' wanna date them. So you're gonna put them above the other two? - I am. (tea pours) - Cancer is water and cardinal. - Stream. - Like a river, like a stream. So Cancer represents the age group of 21 to 28. It's kinda like the post-teenage, marrying age. - [Together] Quarter-life crisis. - Existential. - Yeah, so you're getting married or all your friends are getting married and I feel like that can translate either way. Like they can either be very in touch with other people's and their own or they can just feel like really manipulative. - They can be moody, if they're stressed out about something they'll take it out on other people when it's really just poor time management. - And most Cancers I know, the emotional aspect isn't that they cry often, it's that they know how to fake-cry. There's a big difference. - Ooh, well I think also Cancer represents Mother Earth. - Yeah. - It's where we come from, it's who we are, it's in us. - Yeah, it's not a sexuality, it's a sensuality. - Yeah. - I feel sensuality if I'm around Cancers. They'd be good for like a snog and a cuddle. If any sign is a lot like their symbol, I'd say Cancers are quite crabby. So Cancers can be this gentle, adorable crab eating a cherry or then you can look at them with their big ass pinchers, chasing some, like, poor bird down the beach and then eating it with its weird, like mouth mandibles. Think about all the ocean creatures that exist. You don't really remember the crab when you're looking at a dolphin. You got a dolphin! Who's gonna look at the fucking crab? I'm gonna put Cancer above Aries, behind Taurus. - We have arrived to none other than - [Together] Leo. - The Lion. They are the fixed fire sign. - They are so fixed! - It is a sun, that's what Leos think about themselves. Leos make sure they're not forgettable. - That's what drives them in life. - Every Leo you know says they're Leo says it with the most like smug smirk. - Ugh, they love being a Leo. So good in bed, so attractive, so funny, life of the party. - Because of that, they have a certain amount of, here's the key word, entitlement. - We have one in the Try Guys. - I'm not surprised because Leos are in the entertainment industry always. They're super funny, they're spontaneous, you just like have a good time them but then they'll take you to a party and then leave you to be in the center and be like whoa, whoa, whoa, look at me, look at me, look at me! - Literally the sun. My mom's a Leo. She probably was fucking shitty as a kid but now she's a brilliant, charming, charismatic star-quality, blessed woman. - I'm gonna put them above Cancer. - But below Taurus. - Everyone else, yeah. - Leos are gonna be very mad in the audience, 'cause they know that they thought they would be number one, that's just what Leos like to do. - Oh they always think they're number one. - Well guess what, Leo? - I'm right. You're wrong. - [Together] Shut up. - Virgo, a very highly-populated sign. - Famous Virgo, Beyonce. - She's the super-star Virgo but she's grounded in terms of her personality. And Virgos are the raising the child era, the sort of like late-thirties, where everything has to be done a certain way. Virgo is interesting because I feel like out of all the signs Virgo has a lot of diversity and personalities. And this is my theory, Virgo is Earth but they're also mutable so for me mutable Earth is like clay. You take life and you mold it the way you think it should be. - Kind of controlling. - A little controlling, that's where you get the bad side of Virgos and some other Virgos, they let themselves be the clay. So, they let the experience shape them. - And you do not want to cross a Virgo. - That is off the board. - It's like probably the last sign that I would want to be mad at me. And they'll argue with you to the death. They're right, you're wrong, someone needs to shut up. (laughing) - The worst thing is a Virgo that fails. - Ooh, well they'll blame everybody else. - Virgos are literally just virgins in denial. - Okay I know we talked a lot of shit but I like Virgos. - Oh! - Let's put them underneath Gemini but I cannot believe Geminis are so high on my list I'm repulsed by many Geminis. - We're only half way through the Zodiac. - Okay, we're only half way through. - Yeah we're now entering the second half of the wheel. What do we start with in the seventh sign? It is... - [Together] Libra! - Libras are an air sign, cardinal. - That means they're active air, they're like wind zephyrs. - Very easy to get along with, great conversationalists. - I think Libras really value sharpness. On the most complete level, enjoy intellectualism. - We like to look at things from all angles, from all sides. Libras can be a little, I think, cold. Someone once said it's the steel hand in the velvet glove. Not very judgemental, I think. - Oh Allison, all that's so nice and sweet about Libras but I gotta lay it down hard. - Okay, come for me. - Libras are the fakest sign of the zodiac. It's just, you know, I just wish sometimes my Libra friends won't act like they know about something when they don't know about it. But they're the first ones to be like, yes. - I mean, I think a Libra fear is not being liked. - People-pleasing, steel but with a velvet-y finish. - And definitely bottoms. (laughing) But a power bottom. - Oh, that's right! Do you think Libra is better than Gemini? - Yeah I do. - The Libra has spoken. She's acted like she wasn't gonna do it but she did it, she put herself at the top. - I feel like you might put Capricorn at the top. Listen, we're not at the top top yet we still got several signs to go. - I have got a lot to say about myself so wait until you get to Capricorn. We are the king of self-hatred, so. We've finally come to the other most hot-button sign of the Zodiac. - [Together] Scorpio. - Wow, I'm pouring some tea for this one. They're very mysterious. They're into the macabre. - It's an intellectual routing. - It is, okay I find them really smart. - Yeah. - They're sexy minds, I think. They see things before you see them. They're very perceptive. - Scorpios are fixed water. Ice, ice baby. The worst thing about Scorpios is they're very black and white. Libra can see all of the gray and Libra actively considers everything in between. - And lives in the gray. - They live in the gray. Scorpios, they know what black is, they know what white is. Everything is definitive. I think Scorpios are the hardest people to change their mind on something. - They hate you or they love you and they right away put you in that box and then you're not getting out of that box. - However, all of that extreme energy, that intensity translates really well when it comes to sex. - They are very sensitive and emotional and they are very perceptive. So those are all amazing traits for sex! - Yeah, in bed! - And everything is about them, it's a narcissistic sensitivity. - They're sensitive like other water signs but they weaponize sensitivity. - Yes. Ugh. - Like venom. Also Scorpios all look like penises. Men and women. I mean it's the serpentine feel but I think Scorpios all look vaguely phallic, they all look kind of penis-like. Just look at your Scorpio friends. - I like them. - Above Libra? - Yeah. - (claps) Scorpio is taking the lead? You love that weaponized sensitivity. - It's just raw humanity, you know? - Sagittarius, the sign everyone knows how to spell and-- - We just say Sag. - Do you say Sag? - It's like ugh, too much. - I mean Sagittarius are often too much. Sagittarius, represented by the centaur archer so they're like shifting, changing fire. They're like, oh my God I'm gonna get real weird. They're like plasma. Yeah, they're just like space dust. I haven't kept a lot of Sagittarius friends, does that make sense? - You know, nobody can keep a Sagittarius. They're really adventurous, they like to have fun, they have a lot of energy, they move partners, they move jobs, they move where they live, they like to keep it moving. They're in the flow. - I'm envious of their sense of just like, not giving a shit. - Yeah. - I really like that. And they do strive towards this idea of like there is no limit. - And living life to the fullest, I think. - A Sagittarius is like a horse that shits in a field and you point at the shit and say hey horse is that your shit? And then it goes (whinnies) I'm a horse and trots away, hair blowing in the wind. They're just gonna pretend everything is fancy free and they're just gonna go on and be like this is my life I'm space dust, watch me ride a rainbow. I would say more in the middle. I think after Virgo before Taurus. - Oh, interesting. You know who we're moving onto now? - It's you. Capricorn. - Capricorn. Capricorn time. - [Together] Woo! - Let's get that tea hot! - New Year's Eve! - It's coming, it's coming, it's coming. Jesus was a Capricorn. Now Capricorns are a cardinal Earth sign. You know what that means? We're mountains, which means we're stubborn as fuck. We're giants. And by giant I mean giant egos. We're late bloomers and we're making up for a lot of time, you know? I didn't date until I was like in my mid-twenties. That's a Capricorn thing. But I still thought I was better than everyone else. Capricorns are very intense, focused people. Sometimes it's on things like career, sometimes it's on things like relationships. - The ambition comes from wanting to do so many different things and be so many different people. - Now I think a lot of Capricorns are sophisticated, we seem like we like nice things. We can be pessimistic, in a way that's just so hard to get around. Like there's no sunshine that can pierce through the pessimism of a Capricorn who's depressed. My God. - Oh my God, 100%. - When Capricorns are depressed, ugh we're just like woe is me, everything is in decline, I mean we on the age retirement. Every Capricorn has a distinct feeling of sadness. - Yes. - It just emanates from us, which isn't always a bad thing. - No. - I find it attractive sometimes in people. - Well then if you channel it they're some of the funniest people in the Zodiac and they don't get a lot of credit for that. - They have a very dark sense of humor. - Yeah. - Knock, knock. - Who's there? - Death. Where do they go? - I'm ranking you pretty high up. Let's see. I'm gonna put Capricorn before Gemini. - Really? - Third. - We're actually entering into the Age of Aquarius again. - Right now. - Yeah. - Holy shit. We just need a little more. - We need a drink for Aquarius. - And a little more liquor. Can have just like a tiny bit? - I need some too now. - Yes, Aquar- whoa. Aquarius is an iconic sign. Made iconic really by like the sexual revolution movement in the '60's. Aquarius is paradise, right? - Well-- - Yeah, it's what they strive for, what they live in, this idea of paradise. - Yeah, 'cause they're a little delusional. - Super delusional, y'all. Aquarius is associated not only with revolution but the idea of change, so uprising. Which I find exciting a lot of the time. They're very interesting friends. - I appreciate their perspective always, they're really creative and something I really like about them is that they see things from a bigger perspective. They are contrarians. So they don't like what other people like, they're not gonna be into mainstream shit. They're considered weird. - Some days they're just kind of posers. - They have the same thing that the Virgo has is like they're kinda on a pedestal. So they think that they know you better than you know yourself. And that they, like are smarter than you, always. - They can make people believe things that they say. I feel like a lot of cult leaders are Aquarius or a lot of Aquarius people are in cults. But really, the coolest thing about Aquarius is that every single Aquarius is an alien wearing a human mask. - Yes, oh my God. They're aliens. - Exactly, they're aliens. They look at things like aliens. - They are, like, don't know how to interact with things. One of the most awkward signs, I would say. But they also are very controlling. They're looking at us like oh how do I control all these little pieces. - They're manipulative. - They're very manipulative. - So I'm going to have to put them pretty low. After Sag. - Just under the middle. - Yes, they're aliens. - They're aliens. If you really look at your Aquarius friends, their heads are shaped like light bulbs. We have one sign left and it's about to get (sparkle sound) fishy. (laughing) - Cheers. - We're at the end of the zodiac. - Wow. - We're at Pisces, the 12th sign. Water, mutable, they're the ocean baby. - They hate you but they love you. That the first thing you know about Pisces. Even if they bring up things, start fights, they will always come crawling back. - If you think of Aries at the beginning at the Alpha, Pisces is the Omega. They inhabit everything. Which is very complicated. Pisces are at death's door. The Zodiacs previous to them has just compiled into one person. - Always are like oh my God, you're not listening to me. It's a really big thing for them. So they need to be heard. - You know what Pisces have? Savior complex. - Ugh, they're so heavy, it's an unbearable heaviness of being. - Heavy, no one can tell me what to do. - And I regret this and I regret that and you hurt me then and I don't know. - I also love you and I love you but I hate you, ugh. Pisces are just, they're a mindfuck. Every Pisces I've met has been thicker than other signs. - Oh they have a great ass. - Great ass. - I wonder if Pisces, in a way because they are the last sign, have a certain amount of wisdom with which they speak. Pisces are very follow-able. - I like going deep with them. I appreciate no surface level conversations with them ever. That ranks high for me. - Wait, high enough to be at the top of your ranking? - Oh my God! I think Pisces is number one. - Wow. Allison, your final rank is number one Pisces and at the very bottom baby Aries. However this is not your show. It's time to close ranks. I've made some executive decisions about your ranking, which I fully respect but it is wrong. Again, all of these signs are great in their own way and we're making huge generalizations. I have ranked as my worst sign, Cancer. - It is? - Not that Cancers are the worst but they're at the bottom because they aren't overly emotional like a lot of horoscopes say but they can be super emotionally manipulative. I don't trust when bad intentions act innocent and sweet. - Cancer was my second to last. - Gemini is my second-to-last. - That's not wrong. - I'm sorry, I had to think about it a while. I love my Gemini friends but the historically problematic Geminis ruined their sign's reputation. Plus I'm 100% sure they're gonna complain the most about this ranking because they're obsessed with how people view them. - Third last. - Pisces. - Oh my God! Flopper-oony! - I actually dropped Pisces lower because while we respect how deep and multi-faceted they are, their complexity often turns into, like crazy complications and it's extremely difficult getting along with a moody Pisces. - Fourth to last? - It's Capricorn. - Oh. (laughing) - It's me. Okay, look, I know everyone expected me to place my own sign high but Capricorns can admittedly be too harsh and way nihilistic and I know that the Caps watching probably give the least amount of fucks about their ranking anyway because life is sad and I'm sad. Aquarius. - I've had Aquarians rip my heart out. - So I enjoy how a cool and forward-thinking they are but it's sometimes hard to really connect with an Aquarius on a personal level. I trust the idea of the sign but I don't always trust the people. Because I can't trust you if you might take over Earth. - Okay, seventh place. - Aries, I'm an Aries rising, I think they're much better people than you say they are even though they're like a child playing with matches and will set your house on fire if they're mad. But I like that my Aries friends are transparent about all of their feelings. - Okay, top six. - I put Taurus. I know, they're sometimes so boring. You know I actually rely on my Taurus friends and they're not really as dumb as they might look. They stubborn but soft and I truly believe that if you bond with a great Taurus, they'll have your back for life. - Eugene, your list is very much about trust. - I hate that I put them here. I had to though, after really thinking about it but I put Leo. I fucking despise are narcissistic Leos are and I bet they are also all complimenting themselves in the comments but the sheer amount of fun, charismatic Leos I've met outweighs their big ass egos. - I'm totally confused right now. Oh my God. - I kept Libra there. I love Libras. Libras have a playful, whimsical energy that is always welcome in my circle. So they might come across as fake sometimes but I think they do it out of the goodness of trying to keep everyone happy and heard. My number three. Mine is Scorpio. Scorpios are controversial but unlike Cancer or Gemini or Pisces I don't think that they'd stab me in the back. They would stab me in the front and I respect that. They make their opinions known beyond a shadow of a doubt. I can't believe I'm saying this. Okay, I think I'm going to say my number one, because my last two signs are Sagittarius and Virgo, I think my number one is Virgo. - Wow! - My number two is Sagittarius. Everyone would love to be around a fun Sagittarius. They can be high-minded and flighty but I think they're most aspirational sign. I mean they dance on moonlight and shit fucking space glitter. The reason I ranked Virgo number one, above Sagittarius is Virgo is the people's people of the Zodiac. Even though they have a lot of neurosis, I feel like I can understand it and relate to many of their traits. Their flaws are in ways everyone's flaws. - I feel like they're a great equalizer. - Yeah . - Wow, that was. - Wow, we just, and we finished the astrolo-tea. - I need to go to therapy right now. (laughing) - So, comment below if you agree, if you disagree, if you're a very, very angry Cancer. - [Together] I'm right. You're wrong. Shut up. - Virgos must be celebrating world-wide right now. - This is the first time Virgos have ever won anything. (laughing) (upbeat music) - Just look at your Scorpio friends. Look in the mirror Scorpios at home and you'll be like wow I do kind of look like a giant penis.